Why the Internet Exists

Well nothing has really been going on, so I thought I'd just post about one of the greatest things ever. Shaq's Twitter. Shaq, for those unaware, is a gigantic, barely literate basketball player, Miami police officer, platinum certified rapper, and occasional actor. While I'm sure many of you would love to read all of his Tweets, you might not have the time for such an undertaking. Luckily, I have a disgusting amount of time. So I present the Shaq Twitter highlights.

Typically, Shaq makes a point of telling you what city he's in for an away game, and what he's doing there. Examples.

• I went to alcatraz, i sat n the same cell clint eastwood at in
• Im n love with da city of toronto
• Bernie macs last movie soul man is the funniest movie ever, im watchn it now n denver
• Its co sold in porltand i catn even tpye srtaight
• Its so cold in porland the sun just sent me a text, yo shaq ill c u n may Schwwwwwww
• Why do they call minneapolis, the twin cities, nobody here looks a like, waaa waaa waaaaa

One of the more interesting parts about Shaq's Tweets is that he's following the world of sports pretty closely. He really likes the Cowboys, and always has something to say about other atheltes.

• Say it aint so what im reading about michael phelps....is this real
• Im n canada which teamate should i hit wit a snowball, i say robin lopez
• Is yao ming really a half a million all star votes better than me, my twitterish brothers and sisters
• Last nite i told greg oden , "we r not the same, i am a martian"

Another recurring theme is how Shaq can't sleep after the Suns lose. And he tells you this. Constantly.

• Anotha sleepless nite, n twitter land, aaaaaggggghhhhhhh, whyyyyyyyyyyyy
• ust lil tired, cant sleep after, embarassing losses/ shaqsomnia
• i could neva sleep aftera loss like dat, i have double imsomnia
• I cant sleep gotta get 2 walmart
• Cant sleep after a loss, watchn maury povich, i am not the father schwwwww
• Cant sleep i think i maay have mental imsomnia, plus im watchn the lost boys

Shaq also thinks he's a lot more of a philosopher than he actually is, and loves to post really deep quotes, a lot of time attributing them to himself at the end.

• I neva get bored just dnt want u 2 get bored wit me
• Question Should one b remembered 4 what he did Or what he is doing
• If you have done less than what i have done, how can u comment on what more needs 2 happen Shaquille oneal

And then there's just the miscellaneous goings on of a crazy man.

• Im not bored To much homework Workn on my doctorate Coming soon Dr shaq
• My son had a nightmare hes up wit me, he asked daddy how come u aint sleep, i told him, i dont sleep i dream
• Even the aliens no me, da ones real far, i speak to em like ibadablaa, Jigamagla, bockeraaa
• Just saw punisher, great bloody movie, aggggggh, dats what i , nevamind lol, aggggggh (growl) (snarl) spit
• How come i have the mr rogers neighborhhood theme song stuk n my head, iz he still alive
• Watchn true blood, thats were i was born and raised, dat vampire town, shaqula has been discovered aaaaggggh
• I get my neck cracked b4 everygame, today i felt a xtra clikadee clak
• I need help subway or schlotsskys for lunch, big game tonite
• ABOUT TO EAT DINNER, I PASSED UP 20 MCDONALDS TODAY. I COULDNT DO IT I'M ON A DIET,BUT MCDONALDS FRIES R THE BEST UM UM UM

There's a lot more good material on the page, and I totally recommend you check it out. Some of it is so absurd and inarticulate I couldn't post it here, it's just one of those things you have to experience for yourself.